


A friendly and confusing chat

by clarency



Category: A-Team (2010), Hogan's Heroes, Lie to Me (TV), Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Funny, Gen, Multiple Crossovers, alternative universe, crackish, mentions of crossover characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-22
Updated: 2012-09-22
Packaged: 2017-11-14 19:37:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/518797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarency/pseuds/clarency
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carter is chatting away with the latest prisoner in Stalag 13 because they turn out to be old friends. They chat around and cause confusion for the people around them</p>
            </blockquote>





	A friendly and confusing chat

**Author's Note:**

> This story is one of those stories that wrote themselves. For now, this stays a individual story, but I hope to add more to this verse in the future.

“You do know that Chris is going to be pretty pissed that you got captured and ground you for a year right?” The new man in Stalag 13; Captain H.M Murdock asked Carter casually while he dealt the cards between them on Carter’s bunk where they were sitting with their legs crossed and facing each other. The rest of the men in the barrack were spread all over the room. Colonel Hogan was sitting, chatting quietly with his First officers while eavesdropping at Carter and his friend. He still hadn’t decided if they should trust the strange man that had baffled the Gestapo so soundly by answering their questions during interrogation with howling for three weeks in a row in their custody. Carter had vouched for the man and provided enough proof to back it up, but they were still a bit wary of the strange Captain Murdock.

“Please, that is nothing compared to what Ezra will do to me when he finds out that I got captured by a little punk that looked like a penguin in a uniform,” Carter snorted at the thought before sighing in defeat as he accepted his cards and sorted them in his hand quicker than Newkirk usually could pull off, which was something new that made Colonel Hogan frown in thought as he entered it into his equation of his men in the camp.

“I hear you,” Murdock answered with a slight grin. “Man is bit on the crazy side when he thinks you haven’t paid attention to his advice, nor the rules,”

“Pot, meet kettle,” Carter whispered in a sing-song voice as he gave the other man a fond smile. 

“Shut up, you suck at flying air balloons,” Murdock sniffed with an insulted air. “Personally, I have to say that I find Cal a bit scarier then all of you combined,” He started to slap the cards on the clear spot between them, and Carter followed.

The two of them laughed heartily at the comment about this Cal they apparently both knew. “I agree that Cal is a freaky man, sometimes I wonder if the Gods of Lies did not come to Earth to create him for the purpose of make humanity disturbed,” Carter laughed then added as an afterthought. “Or you know, worship him,”

“They shall pray to him and ask for answers to riddles and deceptions,” Murdock took on a tone of voice that reminded the Colonel of a priest preaching in Church. He arms gestured out as he looked at the rest of the room with a stern determination on his face. “They will call him, Cal, and his words will be preached as the word of truth to those who believe and eternal damnation will fall to those who fail to heed his command!”

Carter was laughing so hard that tears were running down his face. He waved his hands in the air and hiccupped something resembling; “Amen, Cal’s way be done,”

“Pray for the strength of Cal that truth will be found in your words and action,” Murdock finished his preaching by waving a closed fist at them nodding satisfied before turning to Carter again, ignoring the baffled looks from the other men in the barrack.

Carter pulled himself together as much as he could, but snickers escaped him every once in a while as he continued the conversation. “How is the old doc by the way?”

“He’s doing fine,” Murdock drawled as their card game continued on. “He enjoys telling defectors in London their biggest nastiest secrets, before turning back to Washington with the closest plane and proceed to pat the politicians on their heads for being so cute and fuzzy to believe idiotic things,”

Carter winced over the Captain’s words, “He really needs to stop doing that if he wants at least some of the powerful persons on his side to make sure that see him as an asset inside HQ,”

“Please, he is a human lie detector. If they haven’t learned by now that he points out flaws, needs to points out flaws because it comes as natural as breathing, they deserve what’s coming to them,” Murdock snorted before looking at him inquiringly. “What I like to know is how you are going to break it to Cal that you willingly chose to hang around this dump of a place, because don’t try to tell me that you couldn’t have fooled Kommendant Krink out there within five minutes after you got here,”

Carter coughed a little embarrassed. “For future reference, buddy, the guy’s name is Klink, he’s very touchy if you get his name wrong,”

Murdock made an uninterested shrug.

“Oh, and I could have gotten out under less than five minutes if I wanted to,” Carter defended himself with a mutter and then froze, as he just realised that he shouldn’t have admitted that out loud.

“So, tell me my awesome friend, why you are not in London putting your badass skills into practice by helping Cal telling the people their darkest secrets in public, like that Admiral with a kink for high heels?” Murdock asked curiously.

“Just so you know, he had it coming, and I’ve grown fond of this dump,” Carter defended and then laid down his cards with a grin. “Gin!”

“New game,” Murdock declared and gathered the cards and sorted them quickly. “Pray tell me, how exactly did he have it coming? The guy was a goody-two shoe dedicating his life for the greater good,”

“The guy was an asshole,” Carter declared. “He called Cal an ridiculous fucker, Chris a dangerous cowboy, Ezra a lying charlatan and you he called foolish idiotic crazy person,”

Murdock recoiled at the words as he divided the cards between them. “Ah, I can see why that would make you a little bit crabby,” Then he a bit wary he added. “But I feel obliged to remind you that a lot of doctors have confirmed my status as clinical insane by all accounts so he was more or less telling the truth,” He reminded him.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Carter said with such ire in his voice, a tone that had seldom been used by him in front of the other prisoners. Before he could say anything else, Colonel Hogan cut into the conversation.

“I’m sorry to disturb, what’s this about your badass skills?” His question made the entire barrack stops pretending to do something else and put all their attention on the two of them. .

Carter and Murdock shrugged in unison before they looked at each other and pulled off a conversation in mimics, eyebrows and gestures so quick that Colonel Hogan had trouble following.

“How long have you two been friends again?” Newkirk asked with a frown a hint of jealousy in his voice. He was good friends with Carter, but not so good that they could pull off the same thing.

“Sometimes it feels like forever old chap,” Murdock imitated Newkirk’s way of talking but snapped out of continuing in the same dialect when Carter gave him a slap on the back of the head and shook his head before continuing. “He’s a lie detector,”

“Way to make me sound like a total freak there pals,” Carter muttered with rolling eyes and didn’t seem to find it odd that he just slapped his friend on the back of the head.

“What?”

“Not like a metal lie detector, a human one of course. He’s all reading expressions on your face that lasts only for a microsecond and your body language and the tone of your voice, you know heavy stuff like that,” Murdock talked slowly, like explaining to a five year old.

It was deathly quiet in the barrack.

“You’re making this up as you go aren’t you pal?” Newkirk eyed the Captain suspiciously.

“I wish I could tell you that was the case,” Carter admitted with a sigh as he put down his cards. “I’ve been an understudy to Doctor Cal Lightman since I was fifteen, so…that’s what,” He looked at Murdock questioningly. “…Seven years right?”

Colonel Hogan couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but it sounded like Carter just made an evasive manoeuvre, telling a lie.

Murdock nodded. “Feel like longer doesn’t it buddy?” The Captain looked at the younger man in empathy, something quick exchanging between them. “Sometimes it feels like he has been scolding for centuries when he starts with it,”

Carter snickered at the comment before explaining to the Colonel. “I got bored eventually and took a walkabout,” He looked a bit sheepish. “I mean, what can you do?”

“You mean besides join the Army, Navy and Airforce?” Murdock quizzed, teasing tone of voice. “How many times did they have to drag you out of the offices because you totally bought all the lines the recruiters told you?”

Carter blushed furiously. “Shut up,” He mumbled at his friend.

“They will put a collar on you for the foreseeable future when this war over, you know that right? Since you managed to join the army under their noses, they will take it as a personal offence to their abilities,” Murdock continued with a grin.

Colonel Hogan was really wondering, who the heck, `they´ were, but wanted his focus back on the lie detector comment.

Carter sighed as he lowered his cards and glared at his friend. “Why, for the love of exploding coffee and tigers do you make me sound like a dog with the attention span of a hummingbird? I mean really?” He looked at the rest of the barrack in question.

The silence in the barrack was almost touchable.

“Ouch, thanks a lot guys, see if I make you cherry pie again,” Carter said in a sulking voice and Murdock patted him gently on the shoulder.

“You have a tendency to lose concentration when you find something more interesting,” Murdock comforted. “Some see that as a sign of stupidity, I see it as a stroke of genius.”

Carter looked torn between feeling insulted for the comparison of a dog and flattered over the compliment. 

“But, it’s impossible. You can’t be a lie detector, you always lose in poker,” Newkirk inserted suddenly, like the thought had occurred to him and thereby bringing the conversation back on track.

 

Colonel Hogan felt like he could hug the man for that.

Carter winced at the comment before looking sheepishly at Newkirk.

“No,” Newkirk looked like he was in denial before questioning out loud. “Do you really mean….?” He trailed off. 

“So you are saying that you’ve let us win all this time?” Kinch looked like he was taking it all in stride. 

“Your poker faces are pretty decent,” Carter offered in explanation. “But Cal taught me how to spot all the common micro-expressions, that everybody around the world shows whether they like it or not. So with that help, and my experience, it took me about a week to get the hang of your tells…” He trailed off.

“Why did you let us win then?” LeBeau asked bewildered. 

Carter shrugged again. “Winning makes all you a little bit happier, like it makes your day just a little better because of it,” Carter was blushing again, embarrassed that he had spotted this thing about them. “Why would I want to take that away from you just to show off that I know that I can win?”

Murdock looked at him mocking shock. “How come you have no problem with showing off to me then?”

“Like you are not doing the same thing, buddy?” Carter shook his head with a grin. “We compete against each other,”

“Mano on mano,” Murdock hunched his shoulders and huffed out. “I’m going to make an offer, you can’t refuse,”

Olsen raised his hand, like a student asking his teacher for permission to speak. “Question: Why is he talking with an Italian accent?”

Carter sighed and slapped his friend on the back of the head again. Murdock winced, rubbing the aching spot.

“He gets these impulses,” Carter apologised. “He just needs a little reboot sometimes, but only from people that he tolerates.”

“Aw, I more than tolerate you buddy,” Murdock grinned fondly at him and the two of them exchanged affectionate gazes hinting at the deep friendship between them.

“Could we get back on track please? You two just went onto five different tracks and would turn onto five more if I let you,” Colonel Hogan pleaded as he rubbed his head warily.

“Sorry Sir,” The two men chorused perfectly.

“Can we get back to the lie detector subject and how Carter is one and how that affects us?” The Colonel probed.

“Oh, we don’t have to rely only on me for this Sir, I can handpick some of the guys that I’ve noticed have a natural tendency to pick up these micro-expressions if you want to, Sir,” Carter offered.

“You can do that?” Colonel Hogan felt intrigued by the prospect. “That would be great, who would be the first suggestion that you think would fit?”

“Oh come on, Colonel,” Murdock snorted in amusement and everyone stared at him in confusion. “Seriously, I have to be the one to say it?” Murdock looked baffled at their confusion.

“No it’s okay, pal, I’ll do it,” Carter turned to Colonel Hogan. “The first suggestion would be without doubt: You, Sir,”

“What?” The boys in the barrack echoed as one. 

“Me, Carter, are you sure?” Colonel Hogan felt befuddled at the suggestion.

“Somebody’s gotta do with the splainy part,” Murdock sing songed and adopted another accent that increased confusion in the barrack. 

“Raus, raus, raus, roll-call,” The voices from outside the barrack interrupted their conversation.

“Explanations have to wait until after the roll-call,” Colonel Hogan hated being interrupted. “Carter I would appreciate if you started using your badass skills from now on and report to me when you see something out of the ordinary, that’s an order, alright?”

“Sir, Yes Sir,” Carter beamed before casting a look at Murdock and then back at Colonel Hogan anxiously.

“That goes for you to Captain Murdock,” Colonel Hogan said to the other man and then looked at him calculating. “I promise that you will get the full story when we get back in here,”

“Sir, do you think that’s wise?” Kinch’s protest was heard the loudest.

“I aint to cheater, cheater, pumpkineater, man,” Murdock looked offended at the crowd and switched from his American accent to a British one. “I’m on the side of the Angels,” He swore honestly and made the sign of a cross over his heart.

“Hell yeah,” Carter was beaming at Colonel Hogan for giving Murdock a chance.

“Captain Murdock?” Colonel Hogan prompted expectantly.

“Sir, Yes Sir,” Murdock relaxed slightly when he realised that Colonel Hogan wasn’t going to change his mind because the rest of the barrack grumbled in protests. “I love stories, it better have some princesses and dragons in them,”

“Plenty of dragons, but few princesses fleeing passing in the night,” Carter told Murdock solemnly as they exited the barrack together.

“Aw man,” Colonel Hogan heard Murdock whine.

Colonel Hogan grinned; Captain H.M Murdock and Carter would have to fill out an entire new equation of their own for him to calculate. He had a feeling that this was on equation that would take forever to solve. Strangely enough, he looked forward to it. 


End file.
